Try Harder.

I'm an introvert.
I'm writing to help myself come to terms with my insecurities. I'm writing to help myself express myself honestly and be true to who I am and what I stand for. I'm writing to document the changes in my attitude, perspective, and opinions as a result of the lessons I'm continually learning. But most importantly, I'm writing to help myself not give a shit about what others think anymore.

Hawaii is step one.
Being a nomad, never settling in one place, is something I've always fantasized about. Traveling, when financially possible, has been a past-time of mine. And during the times when I was "home," I was dreaming up my next adventure. With my current adventure, putting myself into a situation where survival is the only choice, I am teaching myself just how strong I can be.

I think a majority of the time I am searching for something that I couldn't bring to the table during every day interactions as a kid. Being unable to successfully express myself verbally, I would resort to the things that came naturally to me such as physical and mental strength, creativity, and fearless independence. Searching for an experience my friends hadn't had before or an accomplishment my peers were unable to obtain, were always on my list of things to do. Dreaming about solo adventures and self-sufficiency occurred in a simultaneous contradiction to conversation prep for my next human interaction and rehearsing a few lines for possible questions. All in an effort to make up for my lack of successful discourse and to counteract my social anxiety. For the last 23 years, every conversation felt like an interview.

Hopefully some day in the near future, due to my personal success and mental well-being, I will deny every last word of this post and pretend that everything came naturally, without struggle. Joke. Until that day, I will explain to you, anonymous (imaginary) reader, that I have flaws that I work at everyday. The majority of the time, I am thinking of how to try harder. And as a result of those two words, I have accomplished things this year that I would never have imagined.

SO TRY HARDER.
Someone's got it worse. Someone's achieved more. Someone's doing what exactly what you want to do, but better. But if you try a little harder, it's yours. So just fucking do it. Because you can.

AND DO ONE THINGS A DAY THAT SCARES YOU.
In the last two months, I've done enough things to scare me each day to last the rest of the year. And, baby, I'm just getting started.